NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

To the only boy in my life who made me feel special
Sunday, September 5, 2010, 8:39 AM
How did you do it?
Why did you do it?

Because at the end of the day, you flew me to the moon and then kicked me off and to be honest, I had felt as though the worst part was not you leaving me to fall alone but that I was better off when I hit the ground.

Boys that caught my heart from their charm and looks ended being kicked to the gutter but with you, the boy that at first glance, I had not even given the courtesy to remembering, you became the only exception to my fear of committing to relationships.

I met you that day and I branded you as just another weird guy and I even misplaced your name elsewhere other than in my memory storage space. Ask ME how you did it and I would say that you caught my heart by making me feel special and like the only one girl in the world but the funny thing is, so many people try so hard to make someone else feel special but fail miserably. Even I have my own problems with singling one person out and making them feel that way. Not to forget that you happen to be one of the most ignorant and dismissive boys on Earth.

You did not try hard but you got me. I never expected it but neither did I expect that day that you decided to completely put me aside and live life as though I never existed.

I can honestly say that I have no feelings for you whatsover but it would be pleasant to hear once again from you and perhaps an explanation to the indirect rejection that I received. You truly was the only exception to every barrier that I had built relating to relationships but you did not bother about that, did you?

How can I forgot that night that you waited with me although it was best that you were elsewhere? How else can I forget that morning that all I received from you was a blank stare.

I felt like I was floating and I was really happy with you. I was needy, obviously but I was not desperate. I just wanted you. There was really no one else to me anymore. I single out the reasons of why I fell for you and found none. Then I single out the other reasons and realized, you fit absolutely none of an average list of criteria.
You were not good-looking, smart, interesting, noble nor rich. Perhaps I was one of the few who only valued a noble decent person apart from the rest but seriously, why. did. I. isolate. myself. for. you. ?

I felt like the world was dead when you brushed me off. That morning, when I disappeared, I was in the restroom, spilling out my tears because I had no idea what I did or say wrong. Later on, I found out from a text, obviously not even from you, that I was just in overall not good enough to be yours. I wanted to kill you, punch you, slap you, kick you, skin you and just choke you till you felt my pain because till today, I never got anything from you except a broken heart.

I do not hate you nor feel like making you suffer in any way and I really do not know what I want from you anymore apart from you reading this and knowing that it is you, that I have EVER ONLY let my heart open up to. The only boy and the one boy I had NEVER expected.

I never had a relationship before you nor any after you till today for a reason and it is called PHOBIA OF COMMITMENT but you sure did manage to dribble past that and shoot one right at me. So whatever little contact we have now, it is and will ALWAYS be nice to hear from you and know what the fuck I did wrong.

(Yup. I used the F word. The only time and especially for you~)

P.S, every boy since you have never been able to make me feel the way you do but that was never the reason why I never moved on. It was because they did not know what you knew, that my only weakness was not money, affection or crap. It was being made different from every other person. And for the sake of god, I will find that boy. One day.
♥, paramourrrr [elise].
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Êlìsë ♡

Elise
Elisabeth Chen
20th December 1992
Klang, Malaysia
Part time SLACKER, Full time FRIEND

.Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
Helen Keller


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